Regular Acts of Kindness.
Last weekend, while eating dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, Gavin and I learned that somebody had already paid our bill. And then right after that, another family left a nice note and a gift card for the same restaurant on our table before sneaking out without ever saying a word. No kidding! This is not necessarily unusual—Gavin is a pastor, so we get surprised by kindness more often than most.
But still—it was unexpected. Spontaneous. A gift.
You know what I’m talking about: Somebody buys your coffee at Starbucks or lets you cut in line at the grocery store.
And here’s what’s really cool—these are not random acts of kindness. The people who do them are regular people acting the way they always do. For them, kindness is simply a way of life.
The guy who paid for our dinner in the restaurant could have walked right out of the restaurant (we would have been none the wiser) but he chose to pause and pay for tacos. Even the guy who lets you cut in line at the grocery store is making an intentional decision. Maybe he’s not in a hurry and he sees you only have a couple of things. Or maybe he senses that you’ve had a hard day and just says, “You know what? You go first.”
Real kindness is hardly ever accidental. You don’t accidentally buy someone’s coffee or leave a large gap in line just in case somebody decides they want to cut.
That would be ridiculous!
The kind things we do for other people are purposeful, intentional, and deliberate.
In recent years, Random Acts of Kindness have become a big thing. A good thing.
At Christmastime, especially, a lot of people have kindness on their mind. The spirit of Christmas inspires us to be more generous than we usually are. And because of the work I do, people are always asking me how they can volunteer or what they can do to get involved in the community.
“You don’t need to wait until the holidays to find a service project. Opportunities are everywhere!” (Here’s some great ideas for anyone looking to be more involved this season.)
In fact, I have a friend who all the way back in 2011 made something called “Light ‘Em Up Christmas,” a blog post which was shared more than 40,000 times in the first two days of publication, and pinned on Pinterest more than 180,000 times in the first year! Her ideas have fueled an entire generation of young hearts to become less greedy and selfish and more focused on others during the Christmas season.
Light ‘Em Up is a fun tradition, but I’d like to propose one tiny change: Let’s replace the word random with the word regular.
What if we did regular acts of kindness? And what if we started with our own families?
How would that change our relationships? Our experiences? The way we interact with the people around us?
Serving my family is good practice for serving my community.
What would it look like for me to say “You first” when it comes to sharing hot water, serving meals, choosing what we watch on TV or where we go out to dinner? What if I surprised my kids by making their beds on a day when they’re required to do it? Or made somebody’s favorite food for dinner “just because?” What if I got up early enough to take them to school so they didn’t have to ride the bus? What if I invited their friends for a sleepover? What if I gave my husband a backrub in the morning? Or just stopped complaining about how many times he presses the snooze button? Started the coffee pot? Took the dog out when it wasn’t my turn? Put notes in their lunchboxes? Gave more hugs? Cleaned out my son’s car? Left a gift card and a nice note for them to go someplace fun with their friends? If I did all these things, would my kids begin to internalize what it means to serve others? Would they be equipped with the tools they needed to go out and really be a light in the world?
Why is it easy to do something kind for a stranger and hard to do it for someone who shares our blood line?
We know the answer to this question: With strangers, we have no reciprocal expectation. No need to acknowledge the good deed. We can tolerate this when we’re doing something nice for a stranger. “That’s supposed to be anonymous,” we tell ourselves. But when it comes to our family, we want the THANK YOU, and we want it now, by God.
Warning:
If you’re doing something kind in the hopes that somebody will notice and/or do something kind for you in return, you are destined for disappointment.
And that has to be okay. Moms don’t always get the credit they deserve.
When we stop caring about who gets the credit, we find freedom and joy in the act itself.
Kindness is a resource that’s available to all of us. It’s sort of like money in that it has great power. But there is one key difference:
With money, you can buy the things you need.
With kindness, you are able to meet the needs that can’t be bought.
Kindness is a shared experience that fuels intimacy. It’s a tangible reminder of the love you have for other people. And maybe most importantly, it’s a salve against the harsh realities of the world—disappointment, disillusionment, and failure.
Kindness is a reminder that all is not lost.
“The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.”
You are dearly loved, so you can love others. Let’s start with our families, and let’s do it regularly. In time, the kindness we show to others won’t be random at all. It will just be who we are—the kind of people who are kind people all the time.
Want more good stuff?
Want to know how Mission Driven Women stay on track? Here’s Five Things Mission Driven Women Do Differently.