Let’s imagine for a second that you’re a hot, well-educated, well connected woman with a growing family.
The kind of family that demands a lot of your time, energy, and motivation. If you’re not healthy, they’re not healthy.
On your good days, the demands don’t faze you. With the right Hello Fresh meal at your fingertips and a good binge worthy show set to play on Netflix, you can cover up at least the top layer of your insecurity.
On your best days, you can almost convince yourself that you’ve “got this.” That you’re “pretty darn good at this whole “mom thing.”
But right now…
As you’re sitting in your jammies huddled behind the bathroom door with your phone and your coffee, pretending not to see the little fingers wiggling under the door and completely ignoring the wails on the other side of it, you’re scrolling through a highlight reel that’s not yours and telling yourself things like,
… “I ‘m a terrible mom.”
… “Shouldn’t I be excited to dress-up the babydolls and race the matchbox cars?”
… “I wish I was doing something important.”
… “Just a second, I think I got it (everyone is dressed, fed, and alive.”)
Actually,…I have no idea what I’m doing, and there’s no end in sight. I’m just going to stay in this bathroom a little while longer. Maybe if I’m really, really quiet they will get bored and go away.
Of all the things that make kids bored, annoying their parents is not one of them.
Do you ever wish you could just be an ostrich and put your head in the sand?
I did until I learned the real reason ostriches do that.
It isn’t because they’re scared.
And it isn’t because they’re avoiders.
It isn’t even because they’re stupid—even though they do have teeny, tiny brains.
Turns out, they don’t really bury their heads in the sand at all.
What they are doing is taking care of the kids in their nests.
It only looks like they’re burying their heads in the sand.
A few times a day, the ostrich parents dip their heads below the ground to gently turn their eggs using their beaks [source: American Ostrich Association].
If I’m going to be an ostrich, then BRING. IT. ON!
Ostriches are the fastest animals on two legs, capable of running up to 40 miles/hour. They can sprint at 30 miles/hour for a full ten miles straight. They are nine feet tall and weigh up to 350 pounds. If threatened, they can deliver a kick powerful enough to kill a lion, which is pretty interesting, considering that the males can even roar like lions.
A nesting ostrich who senses danger may flop down with her head and neck flat against the ground in hopes that potential predators won't spot her. In that position, she looks like a giant, gray rock. She blends into the terrain, but her head never actually goes underground.
Two more fun facts:
An ostrich can tolerate high temperatures and go without water for long periods of time.
All that to say if I’m going to turn myself into some kind of animal, an ostrich isn’t a bad one to be.
And even the phrase, “Keep your ear to the ground” has new meaning for me.
For years, I felt like nobody could hear my fervent prayers to God begging him to show me my place. Asking him to help me find my purpose. Crying out to him to please show me that I had value.
There wasn’t a bathroom big enough to hide my shame.
And I know I’m not alone. Most women experience some measure of loneliness, apathy, and insignificance at least at some point in their lives.
I used to combat it by simply filling up my calendar. I said yes to every request that sounded like this:
Can you help with this party?
Can you chaperone this field trip?
Can you organize that gift exchange?
Can you be in charge of this? Can you coordinate that?
Can you…can you…can you?
Yes! Yes! Yes I can!
I always said yes because I didn’t really understand that the work I was doing was so deeply rooted in who I was.
You’ll never know the work you’re meant to do until you understand who you are.
So every time I locked myself in the bathroom, I wasn’t wasting time. I wasn’t really “burying my head in the sand.”
I was listening—not for the kids—(I knew exactly where they were and what they were doing)—I was listening for God to tell me the secret of who I am.
It’s a practice I continue to this day. But the prayer I pray now is:
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”
Ostriches have eyes larger than those of any other land animal. Their eyes are both beautiful and practical. An ostrich can see a moving object about the size of a big dog as far as three kilometers away during day-time and fifty meters at night. (Source)
Loneliness, apathy, and insignificance are real emotions.
But this is what I heard God telling me, and this is what I saw him doing in my life:
You feel lonely, but you are not alone.
You feel apathetic, but you are interesting.
You feel insignificant, but you are loved.
Don’t put your head in the sand; put your ear to the ground.
The secret of who you are is hidden there. And if you look—you may just see something new that might surprise you.