First, let’s talk about work.
In Physics, work is force x displacement. The formula looks like this:
W=F(s)
In life, work is the energy we devote to making a difference in our homes, businesses, or communities.
But when we feel like we’re devoting a lot of energy with little or no return on that investment, the work feels meaningless. We begin to wonder if the work we’re doing is making a difference at all. And when we’re the ones who feel displaced, something is terribly wrong.
The pandemic has exacerbated our felt need for meaningful work by shifting focus (and resources) to essential frontline workers.
If you’re not an essential worker, your business might have taken a real hit this year. Many people experienced layoffs, furloughs, and resource allocations.
It seems like everyone these days is thinking about work—how to get a job, keep a job, or make their job impervious to future challenges.
I get it.
Even though I’m “just” a mom, I’ve been getting questions about work my whole life.
“What do you do?” I’m often asked. Or sometimes, this one, masked with politeness, “Do you work outside the home?”
The repetitive nature of household work combined with a feeling that your value is being taken for granted every single day can make even the most doting mom feel apathetic.
Parenting is like taking a ride on an emotional roller coaster. One second you’re on top of the world. The next, you’re in the pits of despair. Exhilarating highs and sorrowful lows eventually bring on emotional fatigue.
Emotional fatigue takes a toll, and the result isn’t pretty; it’s apathy—that sinking feeling that everything is meaningless.
I never thought of myself as an apathetic person, even though I did use phrases like “I couldn’t care less” and “Whatever” a lot as a teenager.
That was pretend.
I was just acting like I didn’t care, when in fact I cared very much—about everything—but I wrongly assumed that looking cool had something to do with giving off an air of aloofness.
Eye rolls, hair flips, and sighing were all just part of the act.
Real apathy—I didn’t experience that until I became a mom.
It’s bad manners not to tell mothers they have the most important job on earth, but given what’s actually practiced, it is hard for mothers to believe this is true.
My friend Jen once told me, “It’s not hard to be a mom; it’s hard to be a mom in a world that doesn’t value motherhood.”
The writer of Ecclesiastes felt this way, too.
“Yet when I survey all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”
A recent article in the Harvard Business Review aptly titled “What to do When Work Feels Meaningless” outlines some helpful strategies, which include empowering yourself with small actions, participating in something called “job crafting” and imagining a more purposeful future.
Let’s simplify.
Whenever you begin to dread the work you’re doing, you need to ask yourself two questions:
1) What do I want most?
This question is important because it acts like a gauge for assessing if where we are is serving as stepping stone or a stumbling block to helping us get where we want to be. Also—and this cannot be discounted—we can inadvertently sabotage our own future by prioritizing what we want now over what we want most or even by refusing to think about what we want at all. Both are choices, and both can be dangerous.
2) And why am I doing this?
WHY might be my very favorite question of all time. It’s the one two year-olds ask when told it’s time for bed. Heck, it’s the one two year-olds ask when we tell them anything. But just because we’re all grown up doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask why. We should NEVER, ever stop asking this question.
As Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, so aptly mused, “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”
“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’””
Learning to make meaning from our life stories may be the most indispensable but least understood skill of our time. Paul Wong, a meaning researcher in Toronto, calls meaning making “the best kept secret to the greatest human adventure.” (Adapted from Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler)
Humans have a unique ability to live in the present while simultaneously remembering the past and envisioning the future. Being able to do this gives us a real-time view of the over-arching theme of our lives.
When I realized what I wanted my life to look like, I was able to craft a story I could live with.
I know what you must be thinking: What do you do when you realize the life you envisioned doesn’t match the one you’re living? When the friend dies or the kids haven’t met your expectations or the husband walked out on you?
The only way to survive suffering is to find meaning in it.
The. Only. Way.
Frankl also said, “Our need for meaning is greatest when life is harshest.”
We must bring our own meaning to the story we’re living.
The Role of Imagination, Discipline, and Gratitude
Imagine your preferred future. Make an effort to stay connected to whatever work you gave up. I studied Biology in college. Although I may never work as a scientist, I recently subscribed to Scientific American Magazine. The articles are interesting, and every month I’m inspired to think about the world’s problems in new, creative ways. Problems I can actually do something about! Small steps in the direction of our dreams prepare us for what’s next.
Discipline yourself. We can wake up every morning obsessing over all the things that have to be done—the minutiae that preoccupies our waking hours—or we can decide that today is the day we do something different. When I was a young mom with small children, I often woke up tired. Before my feet hit the floor, I would already be dreaming of how I could squeeze in a nap later in the day. This attitude set me up for disappointment. Sometimes I got the nap, but often I didn’t, so not only was I tired…but also frustrated. And worse—I didn’t get anything done! Decide what you will do today and make a plan for getting something done. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a “some”thing.
Practice gratitude. Give thanks for the work you’ve been given. The work of your hands is never offered in vain. Remember, no work (no matter how small) is ever wasted. Your perspective makes all the difference. I can grumble about the things that annoy me (i.e. unloading the dishwasher for the 100th time) or give thanks for the opportunity to serve my family.
Above all else, remember that the story you’re living doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. Jealousy is counterfeit flattery. It’s an insult to everything that person has experienced, suffered, worked for, and failed at.
“And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
The work you do is important for the sole reason that it belongs to you.
Want more good stuff?
Tune in next week for Part 3 of our series: We’ll be talking about Insignificance and the battle to stay relevant.
Don’t miss a thing!