Take a Look
Let’s imagine for a second that you’re gazing into one of those magnified makeup mirrors, the ones that are supposed to “help” you look better.
What do you see?
Sparkling eyes.
Blushing cheekbones.
A winning smile.
Are you thinking, “Wow. I had no idea I looked this awesome!”
Or do you feel like you’re in a room with a spotlight and a laser pointer?
Gray hair.
Forehead lines.
Enlarged pores.
Oh no! you think. Is this what I really look like?
And all of a sudden it hits us:
Mirrors don’t lie.
We remember that story about Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. “Who’s the fairest of them all?”
I can practically hear Jack Nicholson screaming, “You can’t handle the truth!”
(He might be right)
Wired for Connection
Have you ever wished for a different kind of mirror? One that would show who you are…REALLY?
Me too. But I have to be honest: sometimes I’m scared I won’t be able to handle the truth.
And then I read about something called a “Believing Mirror.”
You won’t find one of these at a department store cosmetic counter.
It doesn’t live in your closet.
And you can’t carry it in your purse.
A believing mirror is a friend who mirrors back your “potential and strength.”
According to Julia Cameron, author of The Listening Path, when we listen to our believing mirrors, we learn to listen to ourselves. And listening deeply to both others and ourselves brings balance to our relationships. In a world filled with noise, listening deeply equips us with the tools we need to filter and control what our ears hear and our minds absorb.
Reciprocity breeds trust.
Even though I had never heard the phrase Believing Mirrors, I definitely know what it’s like to be in the company of a person who hasn’t heard anything I’ve said. Like me, you may have wanted to whisper, “Dude—read the room.”
It’s no secret that people love to talk about themselves. I mean, they love it! (Me included.)
We long to be heard, not because we need other people to tell us we’re good enough, but because the world is a richer place when we find our people—those friends who encourage, push, inspire, and validate us when something important is on the horizon. “Giving courage” is an act of generosity we can humbly receive.
How We Listen
When I was in high school, I took an advanced drama class, and every class began the exact same way: we warmed up with a listening exercise. Backs on the floor, palms up, eyes closed: we simply listened—to the leaves as they swirled outside our classroom door, to the electricity pulsing through the fluorescent bulbs, to the hum of the air conditioner through the vents in the ceiling, and even to the blood coursing through our own veins.
As an actor, listening was at the core of everything I did. Because drama—good drama—is always about connection.
But also as a human being—listening is fundamental to every single thing we do.
What are you looking for REALLY? Not just when you see a mirror? But all the time?
RECOGNITION.
“I see you,” we want someone to tell us. “I see you for who you are. And I love you still.”
We feel seen only when we feel heard.
If you’ve ever been to one of those stores that sells cosmetics and had them show you the proper way to apply eyeliner or help you choose the right lip color for your complexion, then you know that what they do best is play up your very best features, so that when you look in the mirror you see the best parts of you reflected back.
And that’s what believing mirrors do, too.
They reflect back the best of you.
I’m thankful for my own believing mirrors, and for the one who modeled exactly how to be a good one: Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
“But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer.”—Psalms 66:19
One of the best ways to foster a believing mirror is to ask questions like these:
What are you working on right now?
Is there anything you’re excited about that you want to share with me?
How can I encourage you?
Mother Teresa was once asked, “What do you say when you talk to God?”
“I don’t say anything,” she responded. “I listen.”
“Then what does God say to you?” the reporter asked.
“He doesn’t say anything,” she said. “He listens.”
Who are you listening to?