You are a mom.
You are also a chef, chauffeur, housekeeper, teacher, and CEO. You get up early. You go to bed late. You always feel like you’re being pulled in a hundred directions.
Do you ever wonder when someone is going to do something for you? You don’t have to be a martyr, but you do need to take care of you.
Resentment grows when we neglect to do the things that fuel and inspire us.
A few years ago, I attended a business retreat that also included some personal soul-searching. We took a piece of poster board and divided it into four quadrants. On each section, we wrote: Things That Sustain My Soul, Things That Invigorate My Life, Things I Need to Take Hold Of, and Things I Need to Let Go.
Just writing down the things that sustain my soul and invigorate my life made my heart skip a beat. My list included date nights, bubble baths, hot tea, dark chocolate, naps, and deep friendships. Equally empowering was my Let Go list, which included selfishness, a perfect house, and proving myself–among other things.
Maybe most eye opening, however, were the things I need to Take Hold Of. I wrote down that I needed to affirm my husband more and spend more intentional time with my kids. That list was hard to write because those are things I want to do, I should do, and I need to do, but—honestly—I find hard to do. We need to “take hold” because these things are easy to ignore or put off when pressing needs compete for our attention.
I don’t know if you’re a list person (I’m not), but I have to admit that lists have the ability to condense complicated information into easily digestible sound bites. I liked this exercise because it forced me to reflect on areas that need a little work and dream of a future that still makes time for all the things I love. By themselves, the lists don’t help much, but by grouping the Four Things I gained the perspective of seeing both the life-giving and draining patterns side-by-side. Identifying patterns helped direct my focus.
Give yourself a break.
A parent’s work is never done. But your job does not define you. And your kids need to see who you are as a person. When you show them what’s important to you–what sustains and invigorates you–they get to see somebody who’s not just mommy or daddy. They get to see a real, live human being, complete with hopes and dreams and favorite things. When you share the things you love with them, you give them permission to love things, too. In the process, you may find common ground. And who doesn’t want a deeper level of connection with their kids?
Parenting isn’t about balancing life with kids and life without them. It’s about finding fullness in the midst of both.