This February, we’ll be talking about love and friendship. I hope you’ll join me for these weekly conversations. Let’s get started!
Friendship.
It’s only two syllables, and yet it’s a big word, loaded with meaning and possibility.
If you are a normal human being, the odds are good that relationships are important to you. Since the beginning of time, humans were created for relationships. Our survival depends on it! We’re better together, and that’s an undeniable fact. You may have even grown up hearing that the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships.
But what is friendship, really?
Friendship is just two humans mutually agreeing to be in a relationship for no benefit except they enjoy each other.
Friend: A person you enjoy
It’s really not that complicated.
And yet, adults are lonelier than ever. Friendship, as a hobby, is dying a slow death in America. Loneliness has even been called an epidemic! Friendship peaks at age 25, and steadily declines from there. One in four people admit to having no confidantes at all, and a staggering 75% of people confess disappointment in the friendships they do have.
Yikes. That’s some scary stuff.
When I look at my relationships through the lens of “people that I enjoy,” I see that I really have a rich life filled with lots of friends. There are so many people that I enjoy, and whether I get invited to every party, networking event, or pop up pickleball game is irrelevant.
Can I call you and have a nice conversation?
Can we hang out in a coffee shop together?
Can we go on a walk?
Am I happy to see you when I run into you at the grocery store, church, or the ball field?
Sometimes I think we have a tendency to overthink our friendships, wondering if someone likes us before we’ve even had a chance to get to know each other at all.
Here’s a tip for you: when you share your story (along with all the gory, not-so-great details), people tend to like you more, not less.
Best Friends
My friend Melanie always says there are people like us and people who just like us. (I’ve always loved that sentiment!)
She and I are best friends, even though I don’t share her love of Star Wars or zombie docudramas, She’ll never understand why I fall asleep during Broadway musicals and in the middle of late-night card games. She takes her coffee black and I like mine with chocolate. I like everything with chocolate. But when it comes to the important stuff, we are for each other.
When it comes right down to it, we simply enjoy each other.
And if that’s all it takes to make a friendship work, then I think we can all find success. Yes, there will always be people who are too busy to return our calls or who can never find time to meet us for lunch. There will be people who “forget” to invite us to the neighborhood potluck. And yes, there will be people who simply don’t like us. That’s okay.
My mom always told me that to make friends you have to BE a friend. It is within YOUR power not to be the one who forgets. It is within your power to be the one who extends the invitation. It is within your power to check in even if you haven’t talked to each other in months…or years.
Go ahead. Don’t be shy.
Loneliness might be an epidemic, but it doesn’t have to be contagious.