Loving People

“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle”

— NOT Plato (although no one really knows for sure)

We have all read this quote, and every time we do (even if it’s for the hundredth time) we take a deep breath and act a little nicer because we know it’s true—everyone IS dealing with something hard.

My friend, Ashley Jones, is the inspiration for today’s WINsday on Wednesday. She’s the founder of Love Not Lost, an organization that celebrates life and supports people in grief by photographing families facing a terminal diagnosis. (You can watch our interview here.)

Ashley and her husband tragically lost their only daughter to Spinal Muscular Atrophy eight years ago. She has made it her life mission to help other families facing a terminal diagnosis walk through their own grief while creating lasting memories with the time they have left.

Ashley prayed hard that God would heal her beautiful daughter.

But when she heard very clearly that it was not to be, she resolved to walk right through the pain, knowing full well that God would use her experience of loss to help other families. Grief, she says, is unique to every individual, but there is power in being able to grieve free of judgment, fear, or expectations.

The question she challenges all of us with is:

“How can I love people better?”

And in grief, especially, it’s so hard to know what to do. We don’t want to do or say the wrong thing, so it’s tempting to do nothing.

But what if instead of doing nothing, we decided to do something that would make a difference not only here and now but for generations to come?

Watch this interview with Ashley Jones

Am I creating the world I want to leave for future generations?

This idea is not a new one.

The Iroquois Indians, to whom we owe much of our current way of living, abided by something called the Seven Generation Principle: The Seventh Generation takes its name from the Great Law of the Haudenosaunee, the founding document of the Iroquois Confederacy, the oldest living participatory democracy on Earth. It is based on an ancient Iroquois philosophy that:

“In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations.”

The Great Law of Peace protected freedom of speech, freedom of worship, and the rights of women. The tribes instituted three branches of government, including two houses and a grand council, and originated the notion of separation of powers and checks and balances. The founding fathers adopted many principles of the The Great Law of Peace, but notably they ignored the seven generation principle and the empowerment of women.

Big mistake, Benjamin Franklin. Big mistake!

I heard one time that when people pass away they are usually only remembered in conversation for about five years afterwards. As for generational legacy, we’re lucky to know our grandparents, it’s rare that we know our great-grandparents, and rarer still that we have ever even met our great-great grandparents. All of us want to live a life of meaning and purpose. We want to be remembered, not only for the things we’ve done, but for the human beings we are. We want a legacy that lasts!

I used to work with families who have kids with cancer. Those parents had two big fears:

That their child might die, and
If their child did die, that he/she would not be remembered.

For many of these families, stewarding the legacy became the driving force of their mission. They started foundations and wrote books and spearheaded campaigns that would keep the memory of the child alive.

Faced with mortality, they became obsessed with immortality. And it was beautiful. To see these legacies live on in the hearts of the people that loved them most was heartwarming. Not only that, but these mission-driven families ensured that their children’s lives, though short, were not lived in vain.

There is a connection between the emotional moments that happen to us and the creative moments that we make happen.

These emotional moments sometimes manifest as interruptions, inconveniences, or gross injustices. But if we live each day in holy expectation, the moments become invitations to join God in the work of bringing more hope and love into the world.

There’s a famous play called Our Town by Thornton Wilder. It chronicles life and death spanning twelve years in a fictional small town called Grover’s Corners. In Act III, Emily, one of the main characters, has died giving birth to her second child and is allowed to return to earth to relive one day, her twelfth birthday. The other cast members urge her not to go back, telling her the memory will be too painful since she knows what will happen in the future. Emily ignores the warning, and her pain becomes our pain.

From the play, Our Town by Thornton Wilder:

Emily: “Oh earth, you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you.” (She looks off toward the stage manager, then abruptly). “Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?—every, every minute?”

Stage Manager: “No.” (Pause.) “The saints and poets, maybe—they do some.”

These lines are tragic, not only for their rawness, but for their truth.

Read this post: How Not to Die

The present is a gift.

We never know what courageous choice we make today will inspire another person. In one hundred years, no one will remember my name or yours. Like the generations that came before me—the ones I don’t remember and probably never knew—I, too, will be but a footnote in somebody’s attic scrapbook. I will never know my ancestors, but I am a product of their legacy— their faith and work ethic and family values and love of learning and courage.

Like my friend, Ashley, we all have the capacity to make life better for the next generation.

And that’s pretty cool.