When I was a young mom with four small kids, my days started early and ended late. I’d count down the hours until naptime and then until my husband got home from work and then bedtime. I was a walking hourglass. It wasn’t that I dreaded the days. We had a lot of fun times, filled with moments of learning punctuated by funny things that happened.
Emotionally, though, it was overwhelming, and that’s what made it exhausting. When people would ask what I did and I would tell them I was a mom, it felt patronizing.
Just a mom?
“That’s the hardest job in the world,” they’d say and then walk away.
Sure, it was hard, but it wasn’t…interesting.
Believe it or not, I agreed. It wasn’t really that hard. (I’d been doing laundry and making food for years before I had kids.) What it was, though, was emotionally exhausting.
When Gavin got home. I would fall into his arms, my own weary from rocking babies and picking up toys and putting away laundry. I needed someone to share the overwhelming responsibility of managing toddlers and a colicky baby. (We’d joke that “colic” is when the baby is crying and so is mom.)
And that’s how quarantine feels.
Everyone is absolutely right—sitting at home and watching Netflix isn’t hard when we compare our “war” with the real one that was fought in the 1940s. We can do this (pump fists)! But let’s be honest with ourselves about the sacrifice we are making—our war is being played out on an emotional battlefield.
And so, there’s a few things I’ve learned that have made these days a little easier. I hope they help you, too.
Get up and go to bed at the same time everyday.
I don’t have anything on my schedule, and it’s tempting to sleep in everyday. “I’ll just get up whenever I feel like it,” I tell myself. But getting up and going to bed at the same time sets your body’s circadian rhythm and keeps you from sleeping too much (which is not a good thing). Seven to nine hours is normal and healthy for most adults ages 18-64 years old. Longer sleep is associated with cognitive impairment, depression, pain, and inflammation. Staying in bed longer will not help you feel better.
Start the day slowly…and quietly.
This will set the tone for the entire day. You may not be able to control how the day goes, but you can control how it begins. Whether that’s journaling, just reading the verse of the day in your Bible app, or giving thanks as soon as your eyes open and your feet hit the floor, do something proactively to calibrate your thoughts. I have a friend who sets her alarm to this podcast. She maintains that it helps control her anxiety.
Make the beginning of your day about output, not input.
It is so tempting to turn on the TV first thing in the morning or even scroll through social media. You should be informed, but the news is scary and can cause a lot of anxiety. Don’t let it derail your entire day. Instead, do something productive first. Go for a walk. Make breakfast. Prep dinner. Paint your nails. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re the one calling the shots. Don’t begin your day in a reactive state of mind.
Do one thing everyday that acts as your anchor win.
Get dressed. Plan this week’s meals. Organize the pantry. Any one of these things alone can be an anchor win—even if you don’t do one more darn thing. That’s okay. You did your one thing, so you won today.
Set boundaries with your kids.
You do not have to be their everything. If you’re on the phone, taking a bath, having a cup of coffee…you are unavailable. Tell them they are not allowed to interrupt. If you are home schooling, then make your own “office hours.” These are the times when you are available to answer questions or help with work. The other hours belong to you. Remember, Mommy needs a break, too.
Use any extra time to start doing something you’ve always wanted to do.
Quarantine is a great time to establish new rituals. One friend has a “morning meeting” every single morning with her kids. Another has finally enlisted her kids to help with housework. Me— I am reading aloud to my daughter every night. I actually started doing it right before quarantine, but we’ve solidified the habit over the last few weeks because we’re always home in the evenings. My older daughter is in college and lives in an apartment by herself. She drives home for dinner every night, and even though she herself has never enjoyed reading, I’ve “tricked” her into staying at our house until after I’ve finished the nightly chapters.
Plan low cost investments that act as incentives for your life.
Give yourself a gift. I ordered gourmet soft pretzels as a treat for my family. My daughter colored parts of her hair blue. My son found an iTunes gift card hidden in a drawer and bought a new game. These are low cost investments that bring joy. Right now…it truly is the little things.
Be compassionate.
We carry a collective grief, and the burden is heavy. Please remember your friends who may be experiencing quarantine differently than you. Our friends with kids who have special needs no longer get the respite that school provides. Check on them. Friends who don’t like to cook are finding themselves stuck in the kitchen. Send them a sample menu plan. Our elderly neighbors feel isolated and lonely. Pick up a few groceries and leave them on the porch. All of our normal outlets for energy management have gone away. Work, school, and friendship look different. We’re all dying a little bit inside. Wherever you can, be an encourager.
Measure the gain, not the gap.
We are all grieving loss—missed milestones, family celebrations, and special occasions. But we’re learning how to do new things, too. We’re failing. But we’re also discovering new strengths. Celebrate the ways you have grown as a person in the last few weeks, not the ways you have really messed things up. Give grace where grace is due.
Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
You want to believe that we won’t be living like this for very long, and so stay hopeful—not that you will be done sheltering in place by Easter or by the time school gets out in June or by the time it starts up again in August. Setting artificial deadlines will only set you up for disappointment.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl articulates the necessity of hope through his time spent as a prisoner at various concentration camps during WWII. He wrote that between Christmas 1944 and New Year’s 1945 the camp’s sick ward experienced a death rate “beyond all previous experience,” not due to a food shortage or worse living conditions, but because, “the majority of the prisoners had lived in the naïve hope that they would be home again by Christmas.” When this hope was unmet, prisoners found no reason to continue holding on, nothing to look forward to. When a mind lets go, so does its body. Don’t let go of hope.
End your day with this question: What was the BEST thing that happened today?
It might be something you did or something you learned. Yesterday, our family walked to the lake behind our house. We skipped stones and took pictures as the sun set. It was the perfect reminder that despite what’s happening around us, beauty is everywhere—if only we are willing to look for it.
And finally, live firmly rooted in the present.
As I write this post, I am already wondering about what will happen this fall. Will my younger kids get to go to summer camp? Will my older son, who is a Senior this year, have a freshman orientation at his college? Will I be stuck inside this house forever? The future is filled with uncertainty and fear. Again, I’m reminded about what it was like to have little kids in the house, and how we survived those long days mostly spent putting out fires. I could not imagine the day when my babies would one day pour their own juice or go to school. That day felt so far away. But like everything in life, even those long days were temporary. And so is this.
“Faith: an encounter with God that transforms our daily reality. ”
And so by faith, I am taking one day at a time.
Want more good stuff?
Join our tribe and receive the FREE DOWNLOAD—5 Ways to Honor Your Unique Story.
I love hearing from you. If you have found other ways to thrive during this unique time in the history of the world, please comment below or reply to this post. I read every single message.