This is the 2nd installment of a 5 part series on Purposeful Parenting. If you missed the first one, you can read it here:
Pay Attention to Me!
As calendars go, do you feel like yours is packed? We’re all busy, aren’t we? I don’t like seeing a lot of empty of space on my calendar, either.
High five, soul sister.
I relish the appointments, meetings, and after-school activities. And if I’m being really honest, the dates don’t just make me feel productive; they also make me feel important.
I read somewhere that the current generation is the first one that will have a documented, chronological history of their entire lives—recorded digitally forevermore.
Confession: I’ve been a die-hard documenter of life since I was old enough to hold a crayon. And I’ve kept every agenda, date book, daytimer, and journal I’ve ever owned.
My life is in those books.
So when my husband migrated the entire family to a synchronized Google calendar a few years ago, I resisted.
I like writing things down because I like the physicality of it. I like being able to turn the pages and touch the spaces filled with notes. I like the blank canvas turned inky with my smudges, cross-outs, and fill-in-the-blanks.
As our family grew and we ended up with four kids in four different schools, the old system began to fail. I missed so many appointments that even I had to admit there must be a better way. An appointment written down in an agenda at home doesn’t do me or anybody else any good if we’re in the car and don’t have it with us and don’t know what’s next, where to go, or how to get there. I don’t care how much time you have, nobody has time for that.
Whenever we write something down—whether we’re typing on our laptop, punching in a reminder on our phone, or slapping a sticky note to the bathroom mirror—what we’re actually doing is making a future promise to ourselves.
And it’s a promise to pay attention.
I don’t have to tell you that paying attention is important because you’ve seen what happens when you don’t.
When we aren’t paying attention, the scale creeps upward.
Junk fills the basement.
Weeds multiply.
Plants die.
Marriages crumble.
And kids grow up.
In fact, when it comes to our kids paying attention might be one of the most important things you can do for them.
As littles, my kids played and pleaded “Look at me.” They’re older now, and the phrase I hear most is “Leave me alone.” But leave me alone is an invitation, too. It’s a clue to pay attention to the swirling inconsistencies going on in the complex world of adolescence.
As a mom, it’s easy to point out all the bad things. I’m the worst about nagging my kids to clean their rooms. I’m guilty of talking about grades more than feelings. I often get in the car and turn on a podcast I like before asking my kids if they want to talk. And that’s because it’s so easy to notice what’s around us and so hard to pay attention to what’s inside us.
But I’m working on it:
When Christiana works hard at track practice, I say, ‘I’m proud of you for working so hard. You’re getting better everyday.’
When Gavin plays with his little sister, I say, “Hey buddy, thanks for spending time with your sister. It means a lot to her–and to me.’
When Aaron is toiling away on his next big business idea I fight back the urge to acknowledge the mess he’s making and instead admire his incredible work ethic and entrepreneurial spirit.
When Cari Jill asks me to write her a note and leave it in our special envelope, I’ll write something heartfelt rather than hurried.
Art. Inventions. Cultural shifts. Religious movements. They all happened because somebody saw something and paid attention. Scientists and activists, preachers and teachers, took up a cause said, “I can do something about that.”
Noticers make the world a better place to live.
What if for today, in this hard season of purposeful parenting that you’re in, you focused on being a noticer, not because it would necessarily make the world better but because it would make your family better? Intentional families, after all, do make for a better world.