Christmas Eve
BACKING INTO 2023
On December 20th, my daughter had spinal fusion surgery. If you think that sounds painful, that’s because it is. Spinal fusion is a procedure used to permanently connect the vertebrae in your spine so that there is absolutely no motion between them. To fuse the vertebrae permanently, the surgeon places the bone graft material between the vertebrae. In my daughter’s case, titanium rods were also placed on either side of the spine, and screws were used to help hold the vertebrae together while the bone graft heals, thus fusing the spine.
From our research before surgery, we knew days 3-5 would be the worst, and the experts were not wrong. I slept in her room every night, setting an alarm for every two hours. She didn’t want to eat, movement was both excruciating and necessary for pain relief, and the lack of sleep took its toll on all of us.
TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS
For our family, tradition is important. Every year, I make homemade gingerbread and marshmallows from scratch. We watch Christmas movies and make hot chocolate, we go to church, and drive around looking at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, Santa leaves a trail of gold coins and miniature candy canes all the way to the tree, where presents are wrapped and waiting.
But this year we didn’t do half of it.
The baby girl was writing in pain, and we never left her side. I felt both sad and happy.
Sad that Cari Jill felt so awful.
Happy that her back was fixed. (And she’s now three inches taller!)
Sad that we didn’t get to do the things we normally do.
Happy that our whole family was together during this difficult time.
Sad that everyone is older and Christmas has lost some of its magic.
Happy that everyone is older and we can introduce something new.
Sometimes, loss, as hard as it is, is a gift.
Letting go forces us to open our hands and accept what’s new.
These days, it seems all my friends have kids who are getting older, and I’m watching them try desperately to hold onto the old traditions, forcing the college-age kids to sit on Santa’s lap for the obligatory picture, trekking to the farm to choose the perfect tree, and coraling everyone to church for services. There’s pushback and anger when the (adult) child oversleeps or wants to include the boyfriend in the Santa picture. Traditions that made sense when our kids were young seem ridiculous now.
I love traditions as much as anyone. I want to hold onto them.
My younger son attended college in Barcelona last semester. I told him to bring home a Spanish tradition he could share with the family over Christmas, and we ended up with a Caganer sitting next to our nativity. If you don’t know what a Caganer is, let me just tell you—Caganer literally translates to “The Crapper,” and it’s a figurine caught in the act of defecation that’s part of the Catalan nativity scene.
I know! So weird!
My family was horrified when we gifted all of them with their very own Caganers, but in Catalan culture, it’s not offensive at all. Doo-doo is just non-toxic fertilizer, to be sure, and acknowledging it as such is said to bestow joy and good luck to the household. So yeah, maybe we didn’t get to drive around and look at Christmas lights and watch holiday movies, but we did get to tell the “moving” story of the Caganer!
It was ironic, too, because here’s a fun fact for you—hard core narcotics cause constipation!
WELCOMING THE NEW
Next year, I told all the kids that we’re going to harken back to the days of yore, when they were in elementary school and researching “Christmas Around the World.” I told them all to be prepared to share a new tradition with the family at our next holiday gathering. Our “old” family tradition will be NEW traditions! I don’t know if it will work, but it’s fun to think about how we can keep the best of what we love about the the holidays front and center while introducing something new and different at the same time.
Isn’t that the beauty of every new year?
We get to decide what to take with us and what to leave behind. Sure, there may be unexpected curveballs, and some of them may not be all that welcome. But the promise of new provides hope for a better future.
10 Days After Surgery
For Cari Jill, right now she’s experiencing a lot of loss. She will never again be able to cheer or tumble, and certain kinds of dance will never be possible because her back simply does not bend. When it finally does heal, she’ll be able to begin playing sports again. This year, she developed a love of soccer. Over the next few months, school may be difficult, as sitting for long periods of time in a chair are simply uncomfortable. I already know, though, that she’s glad she decided to have the surgery. Besides the obvious height difference, she is clearly more confident, as her hips are now even and her shoulders level. She considers her scar a badge of honor, and she’s proud of the strides she’s already made on her own.
As her mother, I’m proud too. We’ll never forget this Christmas and the tangible, visceral reminder that the old has gone, and the new has come. We STAND TALL and welcome it with open arms and open hands!
“If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here.”