“I’m going to be found out!”
“I don’t deserve this!”
“I just got lucky!”
“They must have made a mistake!”
And yet here you are and someone is saying you did a good job and you feel like that person must be talking about someone else because how could it be…YOU?
Oh, honey, it is!
You just have a bad case of Imposter Syndrome!
You feel inadequate. Like you don’t quite measure up. Like you should be farther along in life by now. Or like others are passing you by despite your best efforts to work hard and get ahead.
Sound familiar?
Success by the world’s standards often includes a healthy measure of money, power, and influence. We tend to think that only the richest, brightest, and most powerful CEOs have what it takes to be successful, but the truth is we have all been given a portion of money, power, and influence to manage.
The lucky ones will be recognized for the effort it takes to steward that responsibility well.
Over the last year, I’ve interviewed more than 50 women—women who lead organizations, nonprofits, and small businesses, women who have started movements, overcome incredible personal challenges, and sacrificed all of the above to care for their families at home.
They may not have as much money, power, or influence as they want, and they may have less than they had a decade ago. Who knows? Maybe one day they’ll have even more. I didn’t choose to interview them because I thought they were successful. I chose to interview each and every one because of a quality that’s much harder to identify, let alone quantify:
INTEGRITY.
My friend, Jen Soong, is the inspiration for today’s WINSday on Wednesday. She says, “I wanted to define success on my own terms…Success is doing work that’s meaningful and making meaningful connections, and building a life that I’m proud of everyday.”
We talked about her aspirational self. For Jen, there’s three important questions:
“Am I living a life of integrity?
Am I stoking my creativity?
Am I showing up in a honest way that allows myself and others to be seen?”
We all have inklings of self-doubt. The Imposter Syndrome rears its ugly head at the most inconvenient times.
It’s that feeling of inadequacy despite evidence of success. Comparison. Fear of failure. Pressure to achieve.
The truth is you don’t need to fear being exposed as a fraud as long as you are being true to yourself.
I wish I could tell you that I have this thing figured out. I don’t. Every time I’m in a board meeting or at a conference or sometimes even sitting in the bleachers with other moms while I watch my kid play football, I feel like an imposter. I hear that voice in my head telling me I’m not smart enough or interesting enough. In the bleachers, I spend precious minutes wondering what the other moms think of me than whether or not my kid will make that tackle. (Why are they all wearing jerseys with their kid’s number on the back?) I can only do what I can do. There will always be someone who does it better than me, but just because they do it better doesn’t mean they are better, and it also doesn’t mean that my contribution is any less significant.
Here’s What I’m Working On Right Now:
Replacing imposter syndrome (which is laced with fear and comparison) with humility (which always chooses to believe the best about other people)
Accepting compliments. A simple thank you will do. Compliments are a clue to the work you’re supposed to be doing in the world. A compliment is an affirmation.
Being courageous in both my decisions and my actions. My friend Jen moved from Atlanta to Davis, CA, started an MFA program after age 40, and began work on a memoir about her life as a Chinese American. The transitions have been scary, but have reminded her that she is both capable and strong.
Remembering that doubt is a requirement for faith. (My husband is a pastor, and he always says that to people who are wondering about God). I like it because platitudes like “believe in yourself” and “you can do anything you set your mind to” are hollow, and not entirely true, either. Doubt fuels discovery.
Actively choosing not to be an imposter. An imposter is someone who pretends to be someone else. I promise not to rob the world of the best of me, and I don’t want you to, either.
Want more GOOD STUFF?
Integrity: the beautiful synergy between who you say you are and what you do.
To learn more about Jen Soong:
Watch our full interview here
Jen Soong in the Washington Post
Jen Soong in Gay Magazine