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The Dilemma
Is the effort worth it?
This is the question I’ve been contemplating lately. Sounds like the kind of question a lazy person would ask, but really I’m just curious.
You may remember studying effort in high school Physics.
Copyright: https://cotswold.gloucs.sch.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Y11-Summer-Work-PE-2-2018.pdf
From the diagram, you can see that resistance works in opposition to effort. Humans, weighed down with the loads they carry (both physical and metaphorical) want to avoid effort. Our brains are hardwired to conserve energy.
Start typing Effort into Google and auto-fill will populate the page with EffortLESS links, covering topics like:
Effortless beauty
Effortless health
Effortless math
(I’m pretty sure that last one does not exist.)
But here’s the thing. Even though we resist effort with every fiber of our being, we actually assign the greatest value to things that require the most effort. (i.e. baking a complicated souffle, caring for a child with disabilities, running a marathon)
Psychologists call this the Effort Paradox.
Whether we’re talking about exercise, makeup, or algebra, the real paradox is that while we as individuals value effort (that special quality that lives inside of us), society as a whole values outcomes (the successes or failures that live in full view of the public).
But listen to this—
“Continuous effort—not strength or intelligence—is the key to unlocking our potential.”
We think we have to be strong and smart to start, but strength and intelligence are the result of effort, not the impetus for it!
I get frustrated when my kids don’t want to do hard things.
“Can you at least TRY?” I plead.
I’m just like them, though. Given the chance, I’ll take the easy way out. It’s why my Instagram feed is filled with Easy Weeknight Dinners, Easy Cleaning Hacks, and Easy Everyday Outfits. It’s why I sometimes do a YouTube exercise video at home instead of driving five miles to the gym. And why I’ll procrastinate making appointments if I have to call someone on the phone versus scheduling online.
We can see outcomes. Effort, that’s harder to quantify. Effort is messy and punishing. It’s sweaty and private and happens early in the morning and late at night and behind closed doors. Effort brings us to tears and breaks our hearts.
Effort is a long game.
Effort increases in proportion to the value we assign to the problem.
Invisible Work
Take another look at the diagram I shared earlier. While the load is obvious and heavy, notice that the effort is invisible.
But invisible work is still work.
I’m trying to be better at acknowledging effort, both for my own sake and that of my kids. I may be the only one, after all. At school, they receive praise for good grades. On the field, for goals scored. At work, for sales made. As a parent, I have a unique opportunity to validate the effort that contributes to their success. I can say, “You’re working really hard. What are you learning?” Or “You’re up early. What’s on the agenda today?” or “I heard you practicing piano (guitar, cello, etc.) I’m proud of you.”
Sustained effort requires discipline. So much discipline. In a world that wants nothing more than to divert our attention from the values that matter most, how do we stay laser focused on the effort, especially when the results don’t come as fast or as easy as we want?
I wonder?
If I was more encouraging, would my kids try harder? Would they log more hours doing the things they think they hate because they’re not any good? And what if no one else ever tells them that they are as special as I think they are?
Remember, Churchill said that sustained effort is the key to unlocking our potential. (As a kid, how many times did you hear that you weren’t living up to your potential? If someone—anyone—had encouraged the effort, would it have made a difference?)
I believe the research I cited at the beginning of this post has interesting implications for education and learning, for how we talk to our kids about their future and how we think about our own work. It’s interesting because the research shows that when we reward effort—not success or failure—people are more willing to tackle harder challenges in the future.
In high school, I only cared about the grades on my report card and the resume I was building for college. Everything I did was filtered through the lens of whether or not it would look good on a college application. Now, I understand that life is about so much more than what we see on the outside. People everywhere are walking around doing meaningful, invisible work simply because it matters. Yes, outcomes are important. And of course we all want to be successful in the eyes of our peers. There’s an old maxim that says “what’s rewarded gets repeated.” I can only imagine that if we continue to recognize effort, we’ll get more out of ourselves and the people around us, too.
Bottom line: don’t focus on the “A,” (or the “B” or the “C”) but on the unseen effort that made it possible.
I see you. Keep going.