I would never call myself a super savvy business woman, but a few years ago my friend, Ginny, and I started a nonprofit. And since that nonprofit also included a product we were trying to sell on the Internet, we had to learn a little something about marketing, too—and fast.
Right away, we started building a business plan and designing our website—basically we did all the fun stuff that people like to do when they’re following a dream. Soon, we had a sharp, new logo and a spunky three-minute video featuring the two of us. We believed (and thought everyone else did too) that our super cool logo and original product were the brand.
Spoiler alert—they’re not!
The brand is the gut feeling that people have about the product, service, or organization.
Brands are defined by the users, not the makers.
We might have a shiny logo and a sweet new website, but until people started buying our product, we’d never know if we were really influencing the market or making a difference in the lives of the people we committed to serving.
A charismatic brand (the best kind of all) is one in which people believe there is no substitute. Every company wants to be THIS particular type of brand. Think Nike, Amazon, Zappos, and Apple. These brands are rare, but they are awesome.
In business and in life, the parallels are obvious. After all, charismatic people are also unique. They are usually insightful, engaging, and magnanimous. We like them and we want to be like them.
BECOMING CHARISMATIC
William von Hippel, a psychology professor from the University of Queensland in Australia, suggests that behavioral flexibility may be the single most important attribute for social functioning. He says a graceful response to a changing situation is one of the fundamental personality attributes of a charismatic person.
So to be charismatic (in life, not in branding), you really just need to be able to go with the flow? At least, that’s what I thought he was saying. And if the flow changes keep your arms and legs inside the boat and keep paddling.
Today’s WINSday on Wednesday inspiration comes from Lauren Ware, a designer and mom living in Memphis, Tennessee.
Lauren is living well in the midst of big changes. She’s the von Hippel living definition of a charismatic person.
I meet a lot of women who tell me they feel self conscious and insecure, just like they did when they were in middle school. Even now, at age 30 or 40, inklings of inadequacy still haunt them.
Lauren, however, is not one of these women. She is learning to overcome her insecurity and gain self-confidence simply by accepting those things about herself she cannot change and responding with grace to unexpected mid-life transitions she cannot control.
THE REALITY
Even after we’ve gotten the degree, snagged the husband, and built the family, seldom do we find that life on Easy Street is actually easy. We all must become adaptable lest we find ourselves stuck fighting the inevitable currents of change. Nothing, and I mean nothing, ever stays the same. Unless we want to be perpetually frustrated, we have to learn how to go with the flow. Charisma, like character, is built one faithful step at a time.
Lauren, who is raising four young children, knows her kids are watching everything she does. If she criticizes her body or expresses regret over a decision she’s made, they will notice. Kids take their life cues from their parents. They are paying attention—an undeniable tension.
Lauren’s husband decided to make a 180 degree career shift at age 36. This is a good thing for their family and something Lauren fully supports. But even good things require courage. Even good things sometimes require sacrifice. Even good things can be stressful. The Ware family will have to move to a new city and downsize their house while Lauren’s husband is in school.
In Lauren’s words: “We are learning to live with less so that our future will include more.”
In the midst of what feels unfamiliar and scary, a lot of women cry, “I feel like I’m losing myself!”
Lauren didn’t express this sentiment because she isn’t losing herself at all; she’s leveraging the change to solidify her own identity. Isn’t it true that we define ourselves by what’s in our hearts, not by what’s on our business cards?
Our personal brand cannot be explained by anyone, including us. Our personal brand is an experience.
The things that live in our hearts are felt, not seen. Strength from within allows people to assess new situations and figure out how to live in the midst of them without losing the core of who they are. Depending on the situation, that might mean hunkering down to do the dirty work in the trenches or rising to scary heights to create something brand new.
As mothers, we are often the only constant in a world that’s constantly changing. Our families depend on us, even when we feel like we have no idea what we’re doing. We are not perfect, but beautifully imperfect, holding our children’s hands and our husband’s souls in a way no one else can. If we feel lost, we have to keep going, and every journey is unique.
CHARISMATIC BRANDS VS. CHARISMATIC PEOPLE
A brand must be defined by other people in order to succeed, but if a human being allows another person to define her, she will never become the person she was meant to be. Other people may recognize charisma in us, but it is we ourselves who create that identity. We get to decide who we want to be through the choices we make.
HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES
A few months ago, I was sitting at a table among a circle of women small group leaders. The icebreaker question at our table was: “Tell the group something unique about you.”
One girl in the group didn’t think she had anything unique to share. “I’m just a mom, she said, looking down at her hands.
I felt heat rising to my cheeks. “You are not just a mom !” I practically screamed. “You are not a just anything. Now tell me, What’s unique about you?”
“Nothing,” she insisted again.
This question made her feel exposed and vulnerable. She didn’t want to answer it. I know how she felt.
In fact, when we think about the work we’re called to do and the work we’re willing to give away, it’s smart to regularly ask ourselves, “What’s something that only I can do?” And if you can answer that terribly personal question, can you also be brave enough to say the answer out loud in front of strangers?
You may be reading this post and wondering about Lauren right now. Maybe you’re wondering what it’s like to give up one dream in service to another. Trust me—she’s just fine, raising her kids, loving her husband, and building her own thriving, design business. Sometimes, unexpected circumstances are just the kick-in-the-pants we need to jumpstart our own careers.
Besides, it’s a privilege to walk alongside the people we love. Women, especially, are in an unique position to pivot, adjust, and adapt. There’s a lot to be said for simply not giving up, for it is in the midst of perseverance we find our true selves.
Self discovery seems like such an egocentric thing, doesn’t it? It’s so very millennial and existential—the eternal—”Who am I?” question.
But self discovery is not selfish at all. There is no substitute for you. As Oprah Winfrey once said, “I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I've become. If I had, I'd have done it sooner.”
Ready to take it to the next level?
Missed Lauren’s Mission Driven Monday interview? You can watch it here.