As kids are preparing to leave for college, parents are getting them ready by outfitting their rooms with lots of new stuff guaranteed to make their lives easier and more comfortable. A new microwave, a mini fridge, maybe even a loft bed so the kid’s room has space for a futon.
The one trait that’s more important than any other in ensuring the kid’s success isn’t anything you can purchase, but rather an aspect of the kid’s personality that you may not have even noticed.
I’m talking about a little something called adaptability.
Adaptability is literally the ability to adapt to new and changing situations.
Can the kid make the transition and adopt the significant adjustments necessary to ensure that she’s going to be okay when everything is not okay?
Does she welcome new opportunities with excitement or trepidation?
I’ve talked to more parents in the last couple of years who thought stability was the key to raising happy, healthy children. They chose not to take on new jobs or move houses because they didn’t want to disrupt their kids’ lives, but when the child went to college, she felt overwhelmed by all the new experiences and did not know how to assimilate them into her daily routine.
Maybe we were getting the definition of stability all wrong.
Stability, like so many things we think we value, is not a thing at all.
Stability is always about the people in our lives.
When we have people in our lives we can trust and who love us unconditionally, we share a collective strength. Change is easier because we’re doing it together.
New adventures don’t have to feel scary; they can be exciting.
One advantage that this year’s high school graduates have is that they already have a leg up when it comes to adaptability. Since March, they’ve had to adjust not only their experiences in the present, but their expectations about the future as well.
Let’s explore six of these significant adjustments one-by-one. I am doing this from a Christian perspective because that’s how I process the world. However, I also believe that these questions are important regardless of your worldview. (Adapted from Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby)
Six Aspects of Adaptability
1) Thinking: How do you feel about your current circumstances? With what kinds of things are you filling your mind? How are you approaching learning? (Our kids don’t often tell us what they’re thinking. You may have to be ultra casual with this question, maybe catch them off guard, when you’re in the car together or sitting around the dinner table.)
2) Circumstances: Is there anything causing stress in your life? Are you paying attention to events both in your life and in your environment? What is going on around you that tells you God is working? (I love this last question because it helps us see purpose in events that don’t make sense)
3) Relationships: Who are you listening to? Who do you admire? Is there a toxic relationship you need to remove from your life? (Now is the time to solidify the relationships that matter and welcome new people who share your values into your life.)
4) Commitments: Are you over-committed? On the flip side, is there anything you need to add to what you are already doing? Are you available? (Remember: no one gets a trophy for being busy. Leave room for opportunity.)
5) Actions: What do you need to prioritize? Is there anything you’re not doing that you should be doing? Is there anything you are doing that you need to stop doing? How can you love people better? (Disappointment can easily lead to apathy; be intentional. The payoff is worth the effort.)
6) Beliefs: Do you believe that God is who he says he is and that he will do what he says he’ll do? Do you believe that what he does is always in your best interest? And do you believe that God can use you to accomplish his purpose? (Even if you don’t believe these things, living like you do is often the best testimony.)
And most importantly, would you be willing to sacrifice your own hopes and dreams for a higher purpose?
I haven’t always been the most easy-going person, and I know change can be a scary thing. Many of us feel threatened by change. We like stability and crave predictability. But one thing I do know: I don’t want to be afraid to say yes to new adventures. Learning how to adapt to the things I choose is much more fun than having to adjust to the things I didn’t.
As your child prepares to leave your nest, they need to know you’re not pushing them out. You want them to go. To fly. To soar. They need your blessing, and they also need to know there’s always a safe place for them with you.
Stability ensures adaptability.
Have you seen our new store? Get your Mission Driven Woman gear here!
Sign up to receive our free download—5 Ways to Honor Your Unique Story.