Today, we continue this month’s series on friendship. For the best reading experience, you may want to open this blog on your browser by clicking here. Some formatting does not show up correctly when delivered via email.
Today might not be your most productive day of the week, but I’m writing this on a Wednesday. If you’re reading this on a weekday, chances are you also got up early, made the bed, and got the kids out the door for school. On time, no less. Maybe those kids even brushed their teeth and are wearing matching socks. If it’s a good day, you probably even ate breakfast and exercised.
Resourcefulness and independence are two of the greatest joys of adulthood, aside from being able to eat whatever you want for breakfast and choose your own bedtime. You, my friend, are crushing it, maybe even in spite of eating whatever you want and choosing your own bedtime.
Good work. Congratulations on a job well done.
Two decades ago, I was hardly the put-together picture of grace I am today. KIDDING! But I was a brand new stay-at-home mom. I was frazzled and worn out and often at a loss of what to do with myself or my passel of babies. Every day brought new surprises. To cope I spent long waking hours bouncing little ones on my hip while episode after episode of Food Network cooking shows played in the background. The dust bunnies on the floor could have used a little focused attention, but common housework be damned—I was going to make a home-cooked meal for my family.
My good friend Rach (yep, I called her Rach😉) chatted happily with me from the TV in my keeping room. That girl could get a meal on the table in a half hour flat. Go, 30 Minute Meals!
Rachael used abbreviations for common ingredients (hello EVOO!) and rarely bothered with trade essentials like measuring cups and scales. Instead, she improvised this whole cooking thing. And really—isn’t improvisation in cooking a metaphor for life, too? So how did she do it? How did she get everything done within the constraints of that thirty minute time slot?
As you might have guessed, Rachael Ray isn’t known for being a pretentious gourmet or classically trained chef. She learned how to cook by watching and doing. In fact, whenever Rachael Ray used a shortcut like a boxed cake mix or a spice blend or even a can of chicken broth, she’d say, “Take the help where you can get it.”
Hey, are you talking TO ME?
Rachel made me believe that yes, I could do this, too.
Take the Help Where You Can Get It
I’ve never forgotten those words.
Take the help where you can get it is applicable to a whole range of disciplines. And though you might pride yourself on your independence and resourcefulness, (who wouldn’t?) we all know that life throws curveballs—some for which we’re woefully equipped to handle on our own and some we’re not expecting at all.
And so we take the help where we can get it.
We have to.
Let me tell you a short story about someone who helped me when I needed it most.
My fourth child was born right after Thanksgiving the year I had a second grader, kindergartener, and three year-old. Mornings were especially hectic, as I worked to get everyone out the door. Two of my kids could catch the bus in front of my house, but the three year-old had to be driven to preschool a few miles away nearly two hours after the other two loaded the bus. The timing of that run coincided perfectly with the newborn’s morning feeding and nap schedule. Now that I’m on the other side of parenthood, I’ll be the first to admit that in the grand scheme of things, loading the baby in the car and driving three miles to school is a minor inconvenience. But three miles with a cranky newborn IS a big deal when you’re sleep deprived and nursing! I wasn’t the best version of myself in those early days. Taking my son to school was hard, but you know what’s worse—forgetting to pick him up! Yep, I did that twice. (I’m not proud of it).
Enter my friend, Tami.
Tami came over three days a week, and took my little boy to preschool for me. That preschool was just a five minute drive from my house. But her help was a God-send. Surely she had her own long list of errands and chores that had to be completed on those days. If I protested, I don’t remember. At any rate, Tami ignored me. Bless her little heart. Day after day, she showed up at my house after she got her own kids off to school, and then helped me with mine. Her unselfish kindness blessed us both, Tami as the giver and me as the receiver.
Our friendship deepened.
As I rocked my little one to sleep, we often drank tea or had a snack together. Tami probably has no idea how valuable her friendship was to me during those early days. There was nothing especially earth-shattering about what she did. She simply filled a tangible need in that easy, unassuming way she has with all her friends. In doing so, Tami ended up helping me through what could have been an incredibly lonely season of isolation and exhaustion.
My youngest can now drive herself anywhere she needs to go. But maybe, like that younger, more harassed version me, you have friends who are facing challenges of their own. Maybe they look like they have it all together. You may be thinking, “I don’t know how they’re doing all this by themselves.” There’s a good chance they don’t know either. They want to be strong. They want to think that they don’t need anybody. Trust me—I know it’s hard to ask for help. But let’s be real—we don’t have to be that strong, and we do need each other.
There is no prize for being a solitary martyr.
If today you are facing a challenge and you feel overwhelmed, I hope you will TAKE the help where you can GET it. Your friends are standing by, ready to pour themselves out on your behalf.
And if this is not you, take a note from Tami’s playbook and OFFER the help where you can GIVE it.
I wasn’t lying when I said our friendship deepened. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Tami and I no longer live in the same town. When I moved from that house a year later, Tami came over and helped me pack up my kitchen. Her company alone was such a blessing to me. I will always count her among my dearest friends, and one of the main reasons why is because I know I can always count ON HER.