comparison

Unlock Genuine Fulfillment: Why Striving to Be Better FOR Others Beats Being Better THAN Them

Confession:

I consume a lot of information. TOO MUCH, probably.

For Example:

I’m always sharing “fun facts” at the dinner table.
I begin conversations with the phrase, “Did you know…?”
I subscribe to a newsletter called Dictionary Scoop.
And I have a list in my Notes App labeled “Syllabus for Life.”

Annoying?

Just ask my family. But I come by it honestly.

Like you, I’m bombarded with information from every direction all day long, and the truth is I often feel powerless to stop it.

The world is a noisy place, isn’t it?

Everywhere we go, we’re confronted with ads promoting things that will [supposedly] make us better—better mothers, better lovers, better employees. This better version of ourselves is smarter, more confident, makes more money, is more beautiful, and has more friends than anyone else.

Raise your hand if you, too, want to live a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Yep, I’m right there with you. Taking in all that “good” information and trying to apply it to my own life.

But here’s the question we all must answer:

Are you REALLY striving to be the best version of yourself ?

It’s no secret that I love podcasts, and last week while listening to Hidden Brain, I heard Dr. Corey Keyes talk about what it means to feel empty. About halfway through the episode, Dr. Keyes said, “We’re all so busy trying to be better than other people that we’ve forgotten what it means to be for people.”

We’re all so busy trying to be better than other people that we’ve forgotten what it means to be for people.
— Dr. Carey Keyes

OUCH. That one sure hit hard.

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a solid recipe for what Dr. Keyes calls languishing.

It’s one thing not to feel like you matter to other people, but it’s another thing altogether to bear the responsibility for making other people feel like they matter to you.

I could spend my entire life trying to be better than everybody else, and I have no doubt I’d end up leading a pretty disappointing life. Nobody wins the comparison game. There will always be somebody who’s smarter. Has more money. Wears fancier clothes. Eats at nicer restaurants. Secures a better job.

But being the girl who’s FOR people?

I can SO do that!

And the beginning of the school year is a great time to be talking about this, especially as we’re having conversations with our own children about what it means to start the year well. We want to teach our kids what it means to be a good friend, but these reminders are good for all of us, wherever we may find ourselves this week.

THE CHALLENGE

When I first started thinking about this blog post, I made a whole list of actionable things we could do and say to stay on track, but then I thought: Why am I making this more complicated than it needs to be? The simplest instructions are usually not only the easiest to follow, but also the best all- around, so to save you all from my boring ramblings, here’s three simple ideas for you think about:

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1)    First: Treat people like they’re already your friend.

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2)    Always ask: What is the most helpful thing I can do for you right now? Do you need to be heard, HUGGED, or HELPEd?

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3)    Ponder this: If it’s true that humans are a conduit for God to reveal his miracles, what is being revealed about God through me right now?

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When I think about a world full of people who for one another, I get excited because that world is filled with the hope of all the things that are possible only when we work together.

EVERYTHING is contagious, and this can be a good thing. You can keep your germs, but feel free to pass along creativity, ambition, kindness, and of course laughter. Laughter is so powerful precisely because it is so contagious!

Being for people has another benefit, too. When we sense that our lives our meaningful to other people, we are better able to see our own value.

It’s interesting to me that I can be really disciplined about the food I eat and the exercise I choose to do and yet be so casual about all the other content I allow myself to consume. What I read, watch, wear and display to the world will ultimately make me a person that’s trying to be better than everyone else or a person that’s trying to be for everyone else.

I know who I WANT to be.

Do you?

Want more good stuff?

 

At Mission Driven Woman, our mission to give voice to the experiences that shape our lives and strengthen our relationships. We are here to help you be the best version of you within the context of a community that wants to learn and grow together.

Sources:

  1. Science of People

  2. SuperCommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

  3. The Creative Act: A Way of Being