Who wants to talk about New Year’s resolutions?
Anyone…
Anyone???
I know. It’s not even February, and we’re already sick and tired of talking about our goals.
Hey, I get it.
New year, new you. Whoop-de-doo!
It IS a new year. The new you is up to you.
In fact, one of my favorite questions to ask people—no matter what time of year it is—is
“What is your aspirational future?”
My twelve year-old daughter told me just last week that her resolution this year is to stay exactly the same.
“I’m sorry,” I told her. “You’re not allowed to do that.”
Now before you get your pants in a tizzy about me loving my daughter exactly the way she is, let me assure you, I do.
I think she is a wonderful human.
She’s thoughtful, creative, and hard-working.
And I’ve told her as much many times. She knows all this is true.
But she’s also FEARFUL. (And she knows this is true, as well.)
Remember when you were a kid and your teacher would ask a question in class? If you knew the answer, your hand would shoot up in the air. But if you didn’t know the answer or you were unsure or thought your friends were going to make fun of you, then you would look down at your desk or out the window—anywhere you wouldn’t accidentally make eye contact with the teacher.
Questions are scary, and when you operate from a place of fear, all of life feels like one big question:
WHAT IF?
What if it’s too hard?
What if I look stupid?
What if I get hurt?
What if I never figure out how to do it?
What if…what if…what if….
Questions are loaded with anxiety.
So let’s talk about statements instead, specifically what I like to call What I.F. statements.
What I Fear is…
You exercise control over the fear when you frame the fear through the lens of a statement.
Fred Rogers said, “If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable.”
Although the emotion of fear is real, the cause may not even be true. That’s why fear doesn’t have to rule your life.
If you can categorize your fear, you can conquer it.
Last year, I interviewed my friend, Jordan Foxworthy. She told me about how when she was a little girl she also lived from a place of fear. She was afraid of so many things! And then one day she just decided to say yes—yes to an overseas missions trip with her dad. Getting on the plane and traveling to a faraway country with customs and language different from her own, she said “YES” and the experience changed the trajectory of her entire life! (You can watch our full interview here.)
Change is scary. Sometimes, I think we actually become more fearful as we get older. Maybe it’s because we can imagine all the ways in which something can go wrong. We know too much. Knowledge isn’t always power.
Sometimes, knowledge is paralyzing.
Jordan, who is now in her late 20s, says she often has to remind herself how far she’s come. Saying “yes” opened her up to the possibility of new experiences.
“My life is more interesting, eclectic, and diverse than my high school aged brain ever imagined it would be.”
Nobody wants to be scaredy-cat., so my daughter and I decided to make a list of a bunch of new things to try this year. She’s learning how to ride a skateboard. This is a big step. After crashing into a mailbox on a bike, I didn’t know if she’d ever trust herself on a set of wheels again. But a bike is not a skateboard. And crashing into a mailbox one time doesn’t mean we’ll crash into a mailbox the next time. Next time, she’ll remember to use her brakes. Problem solved!
We don’t get braver by doing nothing.
What are you scared of?
Talking to that client?
Making that career move?
Ending that relationship?
Starting a new exercise routine?
Going back to school?
Name the fear. Surrender to what’s in front of you, and the next step will reveal itself. Resistance is what keeps you where you are.
If your goal this year is to stay exactly the same, then by all means, do nothing. Keep asking those “what if” questions. But if you want the interesting, eclectic, diverse life you’ve always dreamed of, then it’s time to open yourself up to the possibility of saying YES without fear.
Have you taken the Mission Driven Survey?